5 Must See Horror Films for Every Genre Fan (NSFW)

The following list is in no particular order. These are 5 films that either made me love horror or spoke true to my sensibilities, for better or worse.

#1 Mother's Day.

The original film from Troma should be in every horror fans collection. The score screams pure psychosis. The directing made me positive Charles Kaufman (Lloyd's brother, not Charlie Kaufman, the writer of Being John Malkovich,) was a mad man who dreams of hunting women in the woods. Who knows? He just might be. His brother, Troma president, Lloyd Kaufman sure is a wild eyed bugger.  I digress. One of the most chilling scenes in the movie is when one of the would be / might be victims tries to lower her friend, who is tied into a sleeping bag, from a second story window. When the rope tightens around her hands and tears them open I was always left cringing.

A remake was recently made by the director of a bunch of Saw movies but it sadly didn't live up to it's potential, even with the casting of could-be future horror icon Warren Kole in the role of Addly.

OK, so maybe I didn't hate the remake so much.

#2 Pick Me Up & Cigarette Burns, from the TV show Masters of Horror.

So, this one is not actually a movie but in fact two episodes from the hugely missed Cable TV series, Masters of Horror.  However, if youcombine the two you get a runtime of nearly 2 hours so, it count's for me (insert smiley face here.) From Larry Cohen (It's Alive, franchise,) The first hour of amazing I'll tell you about is Pick Me Up.

It starred, Warren Kole (see above) and Michael Moriarty (It's Alive 3, Troll)  as two of the greatest movie villains to ever be written and filmed. One is a drifting hitchhiker and the other is a cryptic but welcoming old truck driver. Both are looking for the same thing. Since it's only an hour long I won't give any spoilers. Just know that it features some of the greatest dialogue and characters ever aired on television.

Amazingly, while looking for a clip to share with you all, I found the entire thing free to watch on youtube. It's just under 59 minutes. If you are looking for a great way to spend your lunch break or something like that, I could recommend nothing more. The video is below. The first great memorable speech starts at about 11:50 into the vid. Stick around for the insanely creepy piano tune that follows shortly there after.

The second of my picks from this series is called (as the heading rightfully claimed,) Cigarette Burns.

Do not take it's place as second of the two as any indication that this is inferior to Pick Me Up. That is the furthest thing from the truth. To compare the two would be like comparing apples and oranges or weeping willow trees and dead babies. Graciously given onto us by John Carpenter (do I really need to tell you who he is?) and starring Norman Reddus (The Walking Dead, The Boondock Saints Trilogy) This is perhaps the ultimate piece to watch with a non-horror loving friend as it will deliver heavily on the shock and gore but also (like above,) delivers one of the most memorable stories in film history. I won't even bother looking for a clip, I'll just assume the full thing is on youtube as well and magically post it below these words. Make sure to watch with the lights off.

#3 Lars Von Trier's Antichrist.

I just can't say enough good things about this absolute work of art. Most people accuse this film of being pornography. Isn't that always the case with vital art? It is a masterfully crafted work that delves into an oddly beautiful world of fear and genital mutilation...

Judge this at face value and you will have lost out on a truly amazing cinematic experience.

#4 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2

I know what a whole bunch of you are saying right now, "Really?!? Chainsaw 2!??!! Really?!?!" and to that I answer, with all the mustard I can muster, "Yes. Really."

I have no clue what you TCM2 haters are going on about. Bill Moseley (Devils Rejects and like a billion other movies,) plays Choptop!! Choptop, man!!! Who the hell doesn't like Choptop? If you don't know who Choptop is... well then, let the internet introduce you...

If that is not enough to convince you, you're a sick, sick fuck. But I'll try a little harder... Dennis Hopper plays an asskicking, chainsaw wielding, former Texas Ranger named Lefty who is on the hunt for America's most dysfunctional family. If you are not erect yet then I give up on you. Your soul is rotten like a fig. But i'll press on still, add to the above awesomeness the fact that the story revolves around the families award winning chili, made from, you guessed it, you-man. The chili cook-off scene is classic. This movie holds a huge space in my mockery of a heart. As a child my father brought home 2 betamax players and a van full of Betamax movies (for you youngins, a Betamax tape is like a VHS tape only smaller. A VHS tape is like a DVD only... more rectangular.) Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 was amongst the collection along with Revenge of The Nerds and some movie about a Nazi Rape Camp. Strange masturbation followed.

#5 Pet Semetery

Arguably the best film adaptation of a Stephen King book outside of The Shawshank Redemption. I saw this as a young child at a midnight screening, opening night. I was 10 years old when I met Zelda.

She has haunted my dreams ever since. Thanks mom.

Tell me about your favorite horror films in the comments below.